The capacity to forgive: intrapsychic and developmental perspectives

Abstract

The topic of forgiveness, despite its importance for the continuity of relationships and for the mental health of the aggrieved party, is relatively neglected in the psychoanalytic literature, perhaps because it is often seen as the province of religion and carries the connotation of reaction formation and inauthenticity. However, genuine forgiveness involves significant intrapsychic work, conscious and unconscious working through of one's anger, and putting the offense into the context of an integrated view of the whole person of the offender. Early developmental structures are the ground on which the relative ability to let go of a grievance depends. While later motives and defenses (e.g., fear of retraumatization, avoidance of shame) may also play a role, these early structures are primary. They are described here in terms of attainment of the depressive position and the development of a sense of secure attachment, the capacity to mentalize, and the ability to mourn.