Our first child was incompatible with life: understanding miscarriage as a lived experience

Abstract

Miscarriage as a medical experience is removed several times from the lived experience of a mother, partner and family. Often there is no space to grieve and mourn to facilitate that. In this article it will be shown that the lived experience of a miscarriage challenges the notion of care and loss forever. Ask a woman the memory is always there and very often the pain. It's important to let the wisdom of sadness speak and emotions to flow unhurried. Emotions need to be set free. What is less appreciated is that professional carers often feel at a loss themselves and they too need love and support. Staff and relatives are sometimes in different contexts of awareness and information about diagnosis and all aspects of care often need to be translated The experience of loss is not only related to death but to loss of hope, dreams, function and handing over care to another carer. Dealing with loss is a feature of being human, but dealing with multiple losses is sadly often a part of being a practicing nurse and midwife. It is time to really appreciate what it means to live through a miscarriage. What we need now to do is move beyond a medical experience into creating a space where a woman can feel safe and loved to grieve for all that is lost and all that could have been.