Unbearable shame, splitting, and forgiveness in the resolution of vengefulness

Abstract

The vengeful state of mind, the conscious psychological component of scenarios of vengefulness, is here seen as a fixation that is instigated and held in place by the workings of hidden shame dynamics, which in extreme cases transform a prodromal disorganized shame state into a relentlessly vengeful state of mind. That state of mind, since it vilifies the offender and disconnects the avenger-offender relationship from the avenger's other relationships to those in the moral and social order, is a manifestation of splitting. Shame-rage cycles, described and investigated by Lewis and her followers, are discussed: unacknowledged or bypassed shame triggers rage, of which vengefulness is one example. Psychoanalytic elaboration of Lewis's insights includes the elaboration of unconscious shame fantasies by virtue of which anticipated shame becomes unbearable. Triggering of rage by unacknowledged shame is an indication of underlying splitting. Clinical material is presented to illustrate the connection between vengeful rage and underlying shame and the resolution of splitting once the underlying shame is acknowledged and becomes bearable. Working through of the vengeful state of mind involves the resolution of splitting, often through an identification that increases the bearability of underlying shame. Forgiveness is seen as the working through of that splitting and as an important feature in the working through of vengefulness.