Paradoxes of maternal mourning

Abstract

It has been customary to conceptualize mourning as a phasic or stage phenomenon (Lindemann 1944; Parkes 1972; Bowlby 1980; Knapp 1986). Such a conceptualization has proved to be of tremendous didactic value, especially in terms of succinctly organizing and communicating the major affects, behaviors, and reactions of mourning. It is, however, my belief, based upon clinical experience with many forms of bereavement, that the phenomenon of mourning is not comprised of clearly delineated stages and phases. I have come to conceptualize the phenomenon of mourning the death of a loved person as involving the bereaved's struggle with a series of more or less unresolvable paradoxes rather than as a progression through stages that possess relatively distinct and predictable beginning and ending points. The specific paradoxes encountered by a bereaved person differ, of course, in accordance with the relationship that was lost (mother, father, spouse, child, or sibling), the developmental stage of the bereaved (childhood, adolescence, adulthood, or maturity), the type of death (sudden or prolonged), and the cause of death (illness, murder, suicide, or accident). In this paper, I will address those paradoxes that seem specific to maternal mourning - that is, to mothers who are mourning the death of a child.