Experiences and interpersonal consequences of hurt feelings and anger

Abstract

This research compared the experiences and consequences of hurt feelings and anger in 3 retrospective studies (Studies 1a, 1b, and 2), a dyadic daily diary study (Study 3), and a dyadic behavioral observation study (Study 4). Although victims felt both hurt and angry in response to perpetrators' behaviors that signaled relational devaluation (Studies 1-4), hurt and anger differed in terms of victims' subjective experiences and behaviors, perpetrators' responses, and relationship consequences. Hurt was characterized by the experience of commitment, dependence, and vulnerability; goals to restore the perpetrator's acceptance; and constructive behavior. Moreover, victims' hurt was associated with perpetrators evaluating victims and victims' commitment more positively, with perpetrators' feelings of guilt and empathy and with perpetrators' constructive responses. Hurt also had positive consequences for relationships. In contrast, victims' anger was generally independent of commitment and characterized by the experience of control, invulnerability, and low dependence; goals to change perpetrators' behavior; and victims' destructive behavior. Furthermore, victims' anger was associated with perpetrators perceiving victims to be less committed and elicited reciprocated anger and destructive behaviors from perpetrators. These findings suggest that despite relational devaluation being a cause of both hurt and anger, these feelings have distinct social functions. Hurt reflects a desire to maintain interpersonal connection and repair relationships, which will often successfully elicit repair attempts by perpetrators, whereas anger reflects a desire to control others via antagonistic destructive behaviors, which exacerbate interpersonal difficulties.