Parenting principles primer

Abstract

A good understanding of parenting principles helps clinicians to advise parents how to optimally support their child's brain development. Parenting principles include co-regulation, attachment, and the five universal parenting strategies that produce self-regulation and attachment. This primer provides updated knowledge translation from evidence-based literature, by integrating interpersonal neurobiology with parenting intervention research. Secure attachment to the parent decreases a child's stress responses and increases their emotion regulation skills. The child needs support from their parent when stress exceeds their self-regulation skills. Emotion regulation is foundational for all aspects of cognitive and interpersonal functioning. Parent empathy and problem-solving are required to support development of the child's self-regulation and problem-solving, which in turn foster communication of empathy toward others and development of other skills. The warmth and structure of the five universal parenting strategies provide a straightforward conceptualization of authoritative parenting, which builds secure attachment and self-regulation described by interpersonal neurobiology. Parenting principles are simple to remember when integrating the five universal parenting strategies (attention and empathy, predictable daily routines, consistent sequence within the routines, household rules, and coaching skills) with the four S's of attachment (Seen + Soothed + Safe for Secure attachment).

Keywords: Child behavior; Child development; Parenting.

Figure 1.

Building self-efficacy. Regulation back to a calm and alert state throughout the day is why social-emotional development is the foundation for all other learning. Co-regulation assistance comes from the parent when the child cannot self-regulate. When the child is feeling calm and secure, they can pay attention, choose how they are going to act, and develop skills. Skill competence brings self-efficacy, the child’s belief that they can master a situation, which in turn augments successful functioning (16).

Figure 2.

Universal parenting strategies (21,22). The five universal parenting strategies are like a building, supported by structure basics and the foundation.

Figure 3.

The prosocial* effects of authoritative parenting on child development. In discipline (coaching, modeling), the parent provides what will eventually become the child’s own skills. Parent empathy and problem-solving for the child lead to child self-regulation and problem-solving. Problem-solving will help them cope with their emotions (self-calm and tolerate distressing emotions) and control their behavior (delay gratification, obey rule, persist to meet goal, act kindly toward others). Through parent-guided reflection, gaining insight into the thoughts and situation that led to their emotion also helps them learn to understand other people’s thoughts, intentions, and emotions and eventually communicate empathy to others. This helps them be a good relationship partner. Ultimately, parenting increases their capacity to control their own conduct, independent of outside authority, during the last phase of adolescence. In moral responsibility, the older adolescent uses their conscience to guide their behavior; conscience is their internal voice of society’s moral standards of right and wrong, taught to them by parents, school, and/or peers (5,7,10,11,16,24,26–28). *Acting in a way that benefits others

Figure 4.

“Connecting and Coaching” in a “Prevention → In the Moment → After” Framework: Supporting child development while preventing problem behavior by Dosman CF, Gallagher S, Andrews D, Goulden KJ, University of Alberta, 2020. The Incredible Years Parenting Pyramid®, property of The Incredible Years®, Inc. and Dr. Carolyn Webster-Stratton, developmental focus framework added with permission from The Incredible Years®, Inc. and Oxford University Press on behalf of Canadian Paediatric Society, Paediatrics & Child Health 2019 May;24(2):e78-e87. “Connecting and Coaching” in Levels 1–3 constitute the majority of parenting time; they prevent the need for Levels 4 and 5 by preventing problem behavior. Level 1 supports emotion regulation and creates a secure attachment relationship by using the strategies outlined in this base level of the pyramid from early infancy onward, along with Level 2 and Level 3 strategies incorporated in late infancy according to developmental skills attained. Parents need their own mental and physical health so that the base and subsequent levels can be successfully navigated. Level 2 is coaching skills, which enable the child to meet Level 3, the expectations of the rules. Rules can be understood at 2–3 years of age but noncompliance is more frequent than compliance at this age. Descriptive praise (“good staying in your bed at bedtime” next morning) helps a child recognize when they have done a behavior that is difficult for them to learn. Empathy combined with Level 4 strategies (ignore, distract, redirect) for the child age 12+ months reduce problem behavior in the moment, followed by descriptive praise for positive behavior. Logical consequences can be understood at 2–3 years; natural consequences start to be understood at 5 years; consequences are short to allow a soon opportunity for expected behavior. Time out to calm down for children 3+ years acting with aggression combines empathy and safety (removal from the triggering situation, “no hitting - you’re upset - time to calm”); at younger ages, the child may feel abandonment because they may not yet have attained the cognitive skill of object constancy; time out lasts 3 min at 3 years, 4 min at 4 years, and 5 min at 5+ years; this length includes 2 min of calm (which might be shorter for children with short attention span). Level 5 above the pyramid is the teachable moment, after the child has become calm and receptive, when the parent helps them process the event through empathy with problem-solving. Brief when it starts (at 3 years), this reflective dialogue gets longer with age and skill as the child contributes more to the discussion. Problem-solving steps: Identify their emotion and the problem that caused this emotion, generate solutions to prevent the problem from recurring next time, and choose the best solution; the parent need only offers suggestions if their child does not have ideas (3,10,20,24,28–30).